F. Theresa’s Adventures in Gloms
“In a sense, I am resurrecting my articles with this latest posting: I’ve been gone a looong time from Weekly Hubris. So, possibly, there are some inanimate objects or concepts safe to bring back to life. I hope you’re in agreement. It is about to be Easter, after all.” F. Theresa Gillard
Status: Quo Minus
By F. Theresa Gillard
BOSTON Massachusetts—(Weekly Hubris)—4/1/2013—You know, I so have a gift. Yet, having a gift doesn’t motivate me at all actually to use said gift. I think you get to a certain point and you just have to ask yourself . . . why? Problem is, if you never answer, you’re just glomming around. I’ve decided that I should write something about my perilous glomming.
It’s wintertime here. Still. So, I’ve been taking the opportunity to really enjoy things that only occur in this season. Like, parking on snow mounds. Although, I no longer have a truck, my Jetta has no idea that this is sooo not what it should be doing. I mean, really, it has a very low clearance; it is cute, bordering on sexy—it needs some rims for that; it appears so practical and the number one reason is that it is literally a VW Jetta, not an SUV.
All that said, my Jetta really should have known when I bought those Blizzak tires. Every year, right around our first inkling of snow, I switch my high performance babies over to my snow babies.
Since we’ve not had too much snow this season, nor the last one (but for that freak Halloween Storm in winter 2011/12), I’ve been finding ways to work out my Blizzaks. Not to mention that, by the time I get to work, there are no more parks left, except the ones I create on snow banks. Here are a few pics.
I know what you’re thinking: I’m probably damaging my undercarriage, right? Yep, more than likely, I am. But, who could resist this glom?
More Perilous Glom
Normally, I would never even think of going here, but here we go . . . . Have you ever thought of all those certain useful (or not-so-much) unmentionable parts we all share? Like, for most women (and, I fear, some men: you know who you are), the so-called décolletage is quite handy for collecting small objects such as crumbs and coins. Calm down! There will be no pics illustrating this section.
Anyway, portions of this glom might be PG-13, so please take the appropriate precautions.
Now, I for one was thrilled when debit cards came on the scene. Before that, it was cash, checks or credit cards. I never balanced my check book, kept up with cash or credit cards.
My mother was an entirely different story. Mom, kept her money in her brassiere (that’s “bra,” for anyone born after 1965). I’m not sure where she picked up this notion, because the Lord knows she always had a purse with her. And no amount of begging could get her to take that money out before we got up to the register. She’d stand there like her bra was a purse and just huck those bills out. She no longer does this. I think it’s because I’m not there to beg her not to.
(Mom, I apologize. This is why it is not necessarily beneficial to know a writer, let alone be her next-of-kin. My sister is somewhere saying, “Amen!”)
Maybe you have a few gloms for this section. Any more cleavage-pocket-book stories out there? Please share.
Random Glomming
I absolutely love shoes. Above are a few of my recent favorites.
Don’t you just love them?!
Corner of Washington and Stuart Streets Glom
And, then there’s this (see just above).
I don’t even know what to say about this. Except, I thought it quite strange to find a full carton of milk on a little patch of snow next to a parking meter. So, I took a pic.
And, the Glomming Continues . . .
I love What Not To Wear. TLC’s Stacy and Clinton are experts. It is truly amazing how they transform each woman’s inner and outer beings.
It got me to thinking about (I know, I’m always ‘got-me-to-thinking’ about it) how we really need Stacys and Clintons as cautionary beings in so many other areas of our lives.
Such as: What Not to Say. How many times have you been standing right in front of someone and they make an outrageous comment? And, you’re standing there thinking, “Seriously?” Or, is it so outlandish that you actually say, “Really?”
And: What Not to Do. This leads me to my pet peeves category. How difficult is it return your shopping cart? I’ve seen people leave carts one parking space from the cart return. For an ant’s sake: walk the extra few steps.
These gloms could go on forever. There’s What Not to Need, What Not to See, What Not to Be. We’re going wanna bring this glomming session to an end, for now, but I believe that it has served its purpose.
Before closing, let’s glom my favorite. Drum roll please . . . . What Not to Want. Take, for instance, Stephen King’s Pet Sematary. I totally understand wanting to have your beloved pet return from the dead. See my homage to Xerxes.
Pause.
But you really need to think outside of the grief box. Do you really want anything returning from the dead? Don’t worry. Let me answer this one for you. Absolutely not!
Hold up! Wait a minute! I need to take that back. Do over.
In a sense, I am resurrecting my articles with this latest posting: I’ve been gone a looong time from Weekly Hubris. So, possibly, there are some inanimate objects or concepts safe to bring back to life. I hope you’re in agreement. It is about to be Easter, after all.
F. Theresa Gillard
F. Theresa Gillard characterizes herself as a Black—not an African American; born/raised in South Carolina; currently residing in New England; never married; no children. Her day benefits-gets-her-bills-paid-job: a Director at a university in Boston. She proclaims herself to be a passionate never-gets-around-to-it writer who is a Rap-House Music/Cheeze-It junkie. What she writes is who she is—meaning she is a take-it-or-leave-it, yes-or-no, with-no-maybe-or-possibly person: basically, she feels it all comes down to that initial “F.” Email Theresa: StatusQuoMinus@WeeklyHubris.com (Author Head Shot Augment: René Laanen.)
19 Comments
eboleman-herring
Welcome back, Jetta Knight! xoxoxoxo e
F Theresa
Yeah, just like coming home. Sigh.
ftg
shelly
Welcome back
we missed ya
Melanie
I was just talking about the shopping cart return-thing (or lack thereof) the other day. If I manage to do it every time I shop with 2 small children, what is wrong with everyone else? And they make it so easy now with the multiple cart returns in every parking row.
Milk on the sidewalk – no comment. I don’t understand people.
I too appreciate “What Not To Wear”. I think a large majority of people could benefit from having someone say, “that is SO not the look, size, or color for you.” I had the idea a long time ago of opening a clothing store where you could not purchase items without first trying them on and getting the approval of a sales associate. In other words, ladies over a certain size would not be sold leggings, and certainly not without a simultaneous purchase of something that would cover their rear in said leggings.
CGR
Get it together and write more. I know it is in there!
CGR
F Theresa
LOVE being back. Missed you guys too. Especially you Shelly :-)
ftg
F Theresa
*Melanie – That cart thing drives me ‘trayzie!’ That milk. I just don’t understand. I can’t even make this stuff up. Yeah, I was quite frightened when I noticed that leggings were making a comeback. I wonder if it’s lack of full length mirrors or family/friends to tell you, “No, no. Really, don’t.”
*CGR – I’m glad you know. That’s half the battle won already. Thank you.
ftg
Cortney Ellis
Welcome back! LOL at Melanie.I know your mom was dying laughing when she read this and probably talking junk at the same time. LOL. Looking forward to your upcoming pieces.
F Theresa
Cortney – Hey! Glad to be back. Even more exciting is that you came back with me. Yeah, that Melanie is a hoot. And, my poor mother, I’m sure she’ll laugh and just be shaking her head at the same time, wondering (not for the first time), what did she give birth to?!
ftg
t g
Those were the days———–things are alot different now, they can steal your money from a computer.
F Theresa
t g – Yeah, I guess we should all think of going back to Mom’s retro-pocket-book cash handling option – safer that way.
ftg
Christine
LOL…. OMG Theresa…. all of my aunts carried their money in their brassieres!!! A video should be made for shopping cart etiquette for sure, we park at the end of the parking lot and it’s like the car is a magnet, we are surrounded by carts when we get back to our car, after returning our cart to the cart barn! Sick of the dings and scratches they create! As far as, what not to wear…. I agree, I think the mirror only shows head and shoulders, from there on down, it’s fair game (not)!! Leggings…. how about using an iron????? The future of America can use the “Fashion Police” for sure!
Stephen Brown
It’s nice to see you back at it Theresa and I must say I have to agree with both you and Melanie. Not going to lie though, I had to look up both glom and décolletage…
Amit Sachdeo
Welcome back Theresa!! We missed you!! And Congratulations on the Facebook Page. Wonder what took so long – Thanks Melanie for setting that up. Can’t wait to read about your next adventure ;)
cordelia
Hi Beautiful!
F Theresa
*Christine – Say, what? Your aunts did that too! That is too funny. Yeah, parking at the end of the lot is not such a good idea, because if it’s a windy day like today (have you been out there today?! – it’s cold and blow-you-away windy) the cart has a runway directly into your car. I’ve seen it happen many times. The Fashion Police would be awesome on the streets. So many people would be arrested with no chance of parole :-).
*Stephen Brown – We all know that you’re the unofficial Fashion Police, but you really gotta stop turning away and running. You need to confront that ridiculousness head-on. Yeah, you might want to keep a dictionary handy. But, not to worry, you don’t need to be gifted to read my stuff – just partially awake.
*Amit Sachdeo – Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here monthly (or, so is the plan). Yeah, Melanie is a gem. I luv that gurl!
ftg
David
I am so glad you’ve returned. I really missed you. BTW, a co-worker of mine, in her 30s, keeps money in her bra. So did my grandmother. Maybe it’s a Southern thing? Can’t wait for your next blog.
Anita
Love that you’re back in print!! I think you are trying to resurrect the times you had with your purple truck! I always look when I see a purple truck, I guess I still think you might be driving! Miss you!
F Theresa
*Cordelia – My beauty is but reflection of your beauty. So, “Hey Beautiful!” Right back at you.
*David – Really? Oh my goodness! She’s in her 30s. Wow, that is amazing. And, your grandmother too? Could be a Southern thing and a Northern thing, since Christine shared above that her aunts all did as well, and I believe that her family is from the New England area.
*Anita – I sooo miss my truck! That truck was my purple baby. No, you won’t see me behind the wheel of a purple truck. Be on the lookout for a black Jetta – it’ll be a black blur.
ftg