“Friends, Romans & Countrymen, Flatten Y’all’s Facebooks”

Status: Quo Minus

by F. Theresa Gillard

BOSTON, MA—(Weekly Hubris)—5/31/10—Facebook: a place to post pics; to share (expose) your entire life and the lives of others. I’ve received many requests to join Facebook. Now come on, let’s get real here. I truly have to give it no thought at all. Those two words ‘face’ and ‘book’ create one petrifying word. I just run screaming every time.

As an enticement, one of my friends proclaimed, “You can get back in touch with old acquaintances!” Um, no thank you.

I absolutely abhor having my pics taken. I do mean abhor. And, you want me to post them, allow a select group to view them and potentially share them with others? Really?

My photo shoot for Weekly Hubris was excruciating. And not only for me. My poor photographer, J.D., got the really short end of the stick. JD had no idea what he’d signed on for. Although I’d tried to warn him, he showed up anyway. Terror upon terrors. I truly don’t know how models do it.

JD set up the background, his camera, and a nice little area for me to pose in. After 50 or so shots, J.D., patient as ever, told me that I’d have to do something. Basically, I’d been rolling my eyes and sighing through 50 frames—not exactly what J.D. and Weekly Hubris readers had in mind.

I’d asked my editor, if I could just use someone else’s pic? I got a firm, “No.”

Man, life can suck.

It’s not that I’m a technology-phobe. I’d just like to maintain some sense of privacy and a whole helluva lot of disassociation. This is the same reason I refuse to get a BlackBerry or any sort of Berry that would expose me to instant access to way more than I need to walk around being that connected to.

Haven’t you been out with your friends or family and noticed that at least once during the outing, practically everyone whipped out their phones? Often, simultaneously, which you have to see to believe. Margaret Meade would have freaked. I’ve even seen an entire group of people, seemingly hanging out together, yet all using various devices at the same time.

Seriously, I believe that even my Mom had a cell phone long before I felt inclined to get one. She texts me like crazy. And, I’m thinking: just call!

I really don’t want or need to be privy to so much of what’s out there. There are so many ways to put yourself and all the selves you know in the stratosphere simultaneously. Instant gratification often leads to instantaneous regret.

I’ve heard so many wish-I’d-never-posted-that stories. Blogs, pics and the ever-present e-mail have had many praying for a reversal button . . . except lawyers. In this split- second cyberspace realm, information swirls around with no apparent target, thus splattering the masses with truly interesting scattershot.

A splat here and there? Not so bad and possibly mildly interesting. But this non-stop splatting gives me a serious headache. It’s like there’s no turn-off mechanism. I can think of only one up-side to this: no more Jerry Springers. Instead, just check-out the New Age reality shows: YouTube, MySpace, Facebook and Twitter.

Don’t get me wrong. The majority of my friends and family are contented members of these websites and more. If you’re OK with letting it all hang out with a select few or whoever may click by, keep on clicking on.

But, back to J.D. Out of 200 or so shots, J.D.’s clicking revealed that even I, with the help of a professional, am able to look into a photo lens, ignore every fiber pulling me every-which-way-away, and get a few passable shots that didn’t cause me to wince or gag. Too much.

Mark my words: all of this connectivity that technology has created is causing a disconnect with the present. Everyone is so concerned with making sure that they reply to every text, voicemail, IM and e-mail that they are losing sight of what they are missing in the now and here and whom.

Crucial moments are ticking by without so much as a mention, whilst we ignore the person or people that we’re with in order to . . . take that call, text, or reply to e-mail.

How many times have you been cut off by a phone call, e-mail or text? Or, maybe it was you, yourself, saying, “One moment. I’ve got to take this.”

I’m guilty too. I’ve been in meetings in my office, where I find myself apologizing for needing to take a call or, at dinner, sneaking a text in under the table or in the restroom.

Last year, a Boston ‘T’ driver openly admitted that he was texting when he crashed into another Green Line train. Blessedly, there were no fatalities. What could have been so important that he needed to endanger upwards of 125 peoples’ lives?

Herein lies the danger. Although restrictions and laws can and have been put in place to prevent what most of us would think of as common usage sense, it won’t stop idiocy from rearing its ever present head. We are, it seems, all hard-wired for idiocy.

As for me, actively keeping idiocy at bay begins every time I leave the house.

In the meantime, let’s recognize these moments we’re living in right now. Look around. Take it all in. We never know when technological misuse may become a part of our destiny. On the Boston ‘T,’ or elsewhere.

My very own reality show will remain just that: “my very own.”

I know, I know: let’s hear it now from you Facebook evangelists . . .