“A Fool & His Money Are . . .”

Out To Pastoral

by John Idol

HILLSBOROUGH, NC—(Weekly Hubris)—3/22/10—The story I now share began almost a decade ago in the South German town of Bodelshausen, the birthplace of my namesake ancestor, Johann Eitel. A stupid blunder back in Hillsborough which brought me to leave home with the wrong debit card left my wife and me with only a few travelers’ checks (taken along for emergencies) in hand in Germany.

Appeals to my bank for help proved fruitless, but a cousin, whom I shall call Jane Doe (for reasons that will become obvious), came to our rescue, enabling us to complete our self-directed tour of Germany and Italy.

Now, fast-forward to Hillsborough, to the morning of February 15, when among the messages in my e-mail box was one purporting to be from my cousin writing from Nigeria to ask for money to pay for “her” lost passport and plane tickets, explaining “she” was in Africa on a missionary trip to empower youth to fight against poverty, racism, and lack of education.

You must understand that my cousin travels widely and backs good causes. Red flags that I should have read I totally ignored in my rush to return the favor she’d done me back in 2001. My first impulse should have been to call her home to see if indeed she was in Africa but, no, I headed to the nearest Western Union branch, located at a nearby Food Lion store, and arranged to send $2,500.00 to the address given in the e-mail. With the service charge included, I charged a total of $2,562.50 to my American Express credit card, pressing the agent at Food Lion to disregard the store’s policy of not accepting credit cards.

My e-mail message to “Jane” read as follows: “Just picked up your message (5:17 p.m.). If you are still stranded, I can get to a Western Union and send the money to you. We know the desperation you are feeling, and we will gladly rescue you, if someone hasn’t already.”

The money sent, I drove home reflecting on my cousin’s generosity last summer when she turned over her garden to me to harvest while she and her husband traveled in Scotland and England. So productive was her garden that I feasted on tomatoes, cucumbers, squash, and okra during her absence. In fact, there was so large a tomato yield that I shared the fruit with neighbors and family members back in Boone and Deep Gap.

I returned to my e-mail messages the next morning to find another appeal for money, the explanation being that “she” had been held up to the tune of $1,000.00 by a cab driver who’d taken her to a bank to collect the money I’d wired. “She” needed to replace what had been taken to complete “her” arrangements to get home to Hillsborough. There was plausibility in the explanation, I rationalized, even though I was now wondering why “she” had not called “her” husband. I had justified her initial appeal to me on the basis of my knowledge that Jane’s husband, a consultant and teacher, sometimes spent days away from Hillsborough. But I failed to call to learn whether he indeed was out of town.

So, back to Food Lion I went to meet “her” second request, using the same question and answer as I’d used earlier as an identity check. Back came the response that the MTCN (money transfer control number) was the same as for the earlier transfer. I checked my receipt and found that I’d gotten mixed up and had indeed sent the wrong number. Apologizing for my carelessness, I expressed the hope that everything was now cleared for “her” return home.

The correct number didn’t cut it, I was told in a return e-mail, for I’d not given a question and answer with the new transfer. Would I please send them “assp.” Here was another red flag I should have hastened to spot  but, no, as with the misspelling of “plane” as “plain” and errors in syntax and grammar, I rationalized the miscues as the results of stress, haste, and the use of an unfamiliar computer keyboard. In literary terms, I now realize I must add “negative capability” and “a willing suspension of disbelief” to my stupidity and gullibility. Those literary terms help me understand that the desperation I’d felt in Bodelshausen was now playing a role in my behavior, prompting gut responses rather than mental ones.

For so intent was I upon rescuing my cousin that I swallowed not only hook, line, and sinker but the tackle box as well.

I’d like to add that I recognized the scam for what it was at this point. A third appeal came the following day, the reason being that “Jane” could not leave Nigeria without purchasing health insurance and proving that “she” had ample funds for the return flight. More money would be needed. Once again, I went to Food Lion to make arrangements, the clerk waiting on me insisting that I could not use my American Express card but must, instead, pay in cash.

The credit union where I keep my money market account is in the same shopping center as Food Lion. I hastened to pick up the requested amount ($2,600.) and arranged for the transfer. “Now, that should do it,” I thought, for all hurdles have been cleared. This appeal had enjoined me to act fast, to “make it snappy.” So rapidly did I arrange for this third transfer that I doubt if Flash Gordon could have outpaced me. The clerk at Food Lion had no qualms about cold, hard cash, though I detected a raised eyebrow when I told her why I was sending money to Nigeria.

I came home to compile, as requested by “Jane,” all my transactions, for “she” had assured me that “she” would repay me as soon as “she” got home.

The story doesn’t end there, however. The following day brought word of “her” admission to a hospital for kidney dialysis and “her” doctor’s request that I come to Africa to accompany “her” home. So preposterous was the reason and so flagrant the mistakes in grammar, spelling, punctuation, and syntax that I could not rationalize, exercise negative capability, or suspend disbelief any longer. I knew I’d been had, suckered, and relieved of over six thousand bucks. My brief reply was, “Go to hell, you swindler!”  I thought the matter would end there, but it didn’t. The final e-mail from “Jane” was: “Why you call me that name?”

Postscript: How I got caught up in this scam has a ready explanation. Cousin Jane’s computer fell victim to a hacker, who downloaded her entire list of contacts, sending the same message to each person on it. I was the only one to take the bait. The reason appears in the story above. I was zealously determined to return a favor, empathetic enough to play the good Samaritan, especially for an admired and generous cousin. Jane tells me that I may not be out of pocket for the entire amount since I can claim a capital loss in my 2010 taxes. She and her husband want to sit down with me and write a check to cover some of my loss. “Blessed be the ties that bind,” as we always sing at our family reunions. Be that as it may—what I’m really looking for these days is an inoculation against gullibility.