Solemnly Swear

“As a Yoga teacher (which I am), I accept that negative chatter is contrary to the teachings of ahimsa, or non-harming. But if a swear word is screamed in a forest and no one hears, does it really matter? (Alas, Philosophy 101 was a class in which I did not blossom.) No doubt some sage spiritual masters would say those toxic syllables will forever vibrate menacingly throughout the universe. But others might offer me a high five for having cleared my throat chakra.”—Kathryn E. Livingston

Words & Wonder

By Kathryn E. Livingston

“Under certain circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.”—Mark Twain

“Take not God’s name in vain; select a time when it will have effect.”—Ambrose Bierce

BOGOTA New Jersey—(Hubris)—April 2025—My mother occasionally advised me, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.” She hammered this home when, as a youngster, I asked my brother’s date why she had spots on her face. My childish question was forgiven and innocent enough (I was five and he was 17) but had I followed our mother’s advice into my adult years I wouldn’t be true to the snarky person I truly am.

That said, I don’t wish to be mean and I’m aware that the border between snide and full-blown hater can be tricky to navigate. Fortunately, I get around my nasty inner self by not saying everything I’m thinking aloud, which could be quite hazardous. Years ago, at a well-known music venue where my spouse once worked as an usher, his boss—a dapper, distinguished gentleman—would mutter clever insults under his breath as he led perfumed elderly ladies to their seats. Patrons either didn’t hear him or couldn’t believe their ears, and the dude never had to answer for his comments. Not a bad ruse, if one could make it work as he did. I doubt most of us would be so talented; in days of yore, we might have been challenged to a duel.

But in more private situations, I’m outspoken. In the car recently, a vehicle cut us off in an absurdly dangerous manner. “Thanks . . . asshole!” I cried.

My spouse, an even-tempered clarinetist, pointed out, “Just the sarcastic ‘thanks’ would have been enough.”

“Not for me,” I answered. I feel a certain sense of tranquility when I give my indignation voice; it’s a soothing balm for my soul to (privately) call a person an a-hole when they are.

Surprisingly, my mate then made the generous point that my approach may actually be healthier than his. He holds it all in and never explodes (surely this must cause kidney stones or something?).

In conversation with others I do often try to employ the measured approach attributed to either Buddha, Socrates, or possibly someone else. First ask: “Is this comment true, kind, and necessary?” I love the idea, and yet if no one is listening (as in the confines of a vehicle) why not let ‘er rip?

As a Yoga teacher (which I am), I accept that negative chatter is contrary to the teachings of ahimsa, or non-harming. But if a swear word is screamed in a forest and no one hears, does it really matter? (Alas, Philosophy 101 was a class in which I did not blossom.) No doubt some sage spiritual masters would say those toxic syllables will forever vibrate menacingly throughout the universe. But others might offer me a high five for having cleared my throat chakra.

It’s easy these days to let nasty words fly. Facebook, X, and other social media platforms provide a stage for folks to be rude, but I do attempt to curb my enthusiasm online because one never knows who’s watching and whom one’s words will hurt or incite. One of our adult sons, for instance, recently texted me a screen shot of a snarky comment I’d made on a Zuckerberg post. He approved, but still I felt a bit ashamed. I was reminded of the time when my three kids were all under the age of ten, and I happened to lose it and call them little “f-er s*#ts.” The six-year-old ratted me out to my horrified mother, and also gleefully repeated my words (in the form of “Mommy said . . . ”) to several others at the grocery store.

Let me just clarify that victims of my verbal assaults are rarely sentient beings within earshot (excluding certain insects, to be honest). On the contrary, my favorite objects of disdain are other drivers and of course the TV news, mostly when a certain face appears. I’m reminded of my husband’s long-gone grandmother, an immigrant from Poland, who used to mutter in a thick accent whenever Nixon came on the screen, “Disgoosting!” I’m a lot like her. In fact, I’ve added that to my repertoire. Things these days are disgoosting, indeed.

I must also note that snarky words and a propensity for swearing are more effective when used sparingly in the public arena (closeted swearing is another matter). But the senses become dulled when the F-word is omnipresent. I think back to a day when I was entirely fed up with a particular situation among a group of people who had never heard me utter an unkind word. When an individual is accommodating, sweet, and unflappable (believe it or not as I myself have been described) it’s not only a dramatic shock to hear her screech, “I can’t fucking take this anymore!” It also gets things immediately done.

I hover between my demure, ladylike, WASP upbringing, and the salty, more authentic me that cut her teeth in a news room. This saltier version emerged through the years as I matured (or immatured). I prefer the snarkier me though I must tame her somewhat in respectable society. And, I’m well aware that words once said can never be forgotten or erased (Exhibit A: my high school boyfriend’s cutting remark when I broke up with him, not to be repeated here).

Perhaps it’s better to be nice, and it’s certainly more grown-up. It’s crass to curse. And it may make others uncomfortable. Yet as my mom also said, “There’s a time and place for everything.” I humbly submit that the time for swearing is definitely now.

More: To read more of Kathryn E. Livingston’s work, write to her at [email protected], or order her books: click here,  and here. (Yin, Yang, Yogini: A Woman’s Quest for Balance, Strength, and Inner Peace is available at Amazon.com or through your favorite bookseller!)