Stalking My Twin

Won Over By Reality

by Tim Bayer (or, maybe, Jeff)

WEBSTER NY—(Weekly Hubris)—4/5/10—John Kareis has been a friend of mine for more than 30 years. We played basketball together for ten years and, after college, he was my upstairs housemate for several years. I take care of his dog, Jordan, when he is out of town and, generally, about once a week, we watch sports on his HDTV or catch a movie.

The man knows what I look like.

My cell phone rings last night. It’s John. “Dude, I just saw your twin.”

“Ah . . ., John, I don’t have a twin.”

“Yes, you do. Someone turned him loose and he is walking round Wegmans right now. I just went up to “you” and said, “Hi, Dude.” “You” looked at me, Tim, and said Hi, but you didn’t recognize me. In that instant, I realized that it was not you but your twin!”

John’s fast on the uptake.

But, this I have to see. The Bay Road Wegmans is on my way home, so a quick stop is in order.

When I arrive at Wegmans, John is in the parking lot putting the last of his groceries in his car. John doesn’t ask me for identification, but gives me a long look.

I assure him it was the real me—“It’s me, John. Ya’ know—the guy who takes care of your dog, Jordan?” (I thought dropping in Jordan’s name would lend me the necessary cred.)

So, here’s the scene: John and I are walking through the valleys of shelving at Wegmans, stalking my twin, as though participating in a B-er version of, say, “The Body Snatchers.”

Isle 4, clear. Isle 5, clear. At the end of Isle 7, John locates our target and points him out.

Wow!

Since I have been on camera and in pictures so often due to my writing and video production, I have seen self images a lot more often than the average person. From 60 feet away, it looks just like . . . me—standing at the end of Isle 7. To say the least, this is just all a little weird. The target moves around the end of the isle. I followed. Just to be clear, it REALLY feels bizarre trailing a double of oneself.

I catch up with Tim-the-Other, tap him on his shoulder, and introduce myself as follows. “Excuse me. I got a phone call from my friend, John here, saying my virtual twin was walking around Wegmans. I’m Tim Bayer; how do you do?”

The man smiles at me with instant recognition. Obviously, he sees the close resemblance as well. He introduces himself as Jeff. I ask if he’s from around here (Webster) and he says that, no, he’s from LeRoy, NY.

I ask if I can snap a picture or two of us on my cell phone, and he agrees. Here’s one of those pictures.

I then open my wallet and produce one of my Intergalactic Super Hero Trainee cards and give it to him.

It seems appropriate, since his picture’s already on it.

He chuckles at the image on the card and thanks me for it.

So, if you happen to be walking around LeRoy or Webster and see me, it might well be Jeff. Yeah, it’s a little confusing.

But Jordan could tell us apart.

Tim, aka The-Guy-Who-Looks-Like-Jeff.

(Photographs by Tim Bayer)