Boomerang Christmas Card, Part 2

Won Over By Reality

by Tim Bayer

WEBSTER NY—(Weekly Hubris)—12/20/10—If you have not read past entries of this column, you may want to go to “Boomerang Christmas Card, Part 1” for some background on the Boomerang Wedding/Christmas Card to get the context for this column.

In December 2008, I had in my possession the Boomerang Wedding Card as well as the 2007 family picture I received of Kevin, Kim, Piper and Tristan.

Sending a family photo for Christmas is quite popular, and I have seen many of them throughout the years. So, I decided that this year’s Christmas offering from Webster would be my family photo . . . sort of.

Ya’ see; while there are several inhabitants living here, apparently we don’t actually qualify under the strict definition of “family.” I know this because, after submitting veterinary bills to my Health Care provider, I was informed, in no uncertain terms, that four-footed furry creatures aren’t considered “family” by the health care system and therefore are not covered under a family health care plan. Their bad.

However, for purposes of this Family Christmas Card discussion, my cats, Samantha and Lazer, will qualify as family and will be assigned the roles of “kids.”

Another small point to consider is that, in the 2007 Holiday Picture I received from Kevin, positions for Dad and Mom were assigned. At the Bayer homestead, I could probably pass for the part filled by “Dad” but, as of 2008, there was an opening for the part of “Mom.” In the past, I have interviewed a few candidates, but despite my best efforts—and the threat of a restraining order—the position of “Mom” was still unfilled.

Undeterred, I decided to press on. It’s Christmas, dammit! And I would produce and send a handsome, family Christmas Picture—even if I had to improvise a little.

First step was to get pictures of the “kids.” Here is the picture I snapped of Samantha.

Here is the photo of Lazer.

 

I set up the camera using the timer feature and snapped a shot of me.

 

And for the image of “Mom,” I found a picture of “Miss Hottie” from a PowerPoint presentation that was attached to an e-mail message I received.

 

In the original picture, Miss Hottie was scantily clad. There were some other pictures in which Miss Hottie was naked but . . . um . . . in an artistic way. I, of course, appreciate fine art, so I reviewed all the pictures (several times) before making a selection. Then, I had to review them again to be sure I had selected the best picture for this family-friendly application. Yep, I love art! OK, enough of that. Time to get back on task.

Now that I had four pictures, I had to adjust the sizes so that they were proportionally correct when combined onto one background. I did some measuring and determined that 22mm would be the proper width for each face. A little Photoshop work allowed me to re-size each face image to meet the 22mm width requirement.

To be consistent with the whole frugal premise, the best application is to reuse materials. In this case, reusing Kevin and Kim’s family Christmas Photo Card was the obvious choice for the 2008 Bayer Family Christmas picture.

I printed the resized pictures and then very carefully cut out the background, producing cut-outs of only the faces. I printed a name list and cut that out. I added some double adhesive tape to each cut-out and affixed them to the background post card. Poof! A wonderful, handsome Christmas family photo! And way, way frugal!

When the 2008 Boomerang Wedding/Christmas Card was sent to Kevin, it included a family picture sure to spread tidings of great joy from Tim, Hottie, Lazer and Samantha though, upon reflection, Hottie’s head looks a bit large (though Lazer does, admittedly, take after Mom—those riveting, if a bit deranged, baby blues).

Merry Christmas!