Epiphany

Waking Point

“My determination was to find that elusive inner me, the one who roared like Shekmeht, the ancient Egyptian lion goddess, and glowed like Isis, whose name literally translates to ‘throne’ and represents the seat of all power.”—By Helen Noakes

By Helen Noakes

“Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome.”—Booker T. Washington

SAN FRANCISCO California—(Weekly Hubris)—9/15/2014—Interesting how much we can take. In the last few weeks, I have been contacted by friends who are experiencing difficulties in their lives, some more easily dealt with than others. And I recall a time, not so long ago, when I watched my own problems pile up, my life slipping through my fingers, and wondered what, precisely, it was all about.

After weeks of buckling down and dealing with a seemingly interminable heap of trouble, the question always lurking somewhere in my consciousness, the answer struck like a thunderbolt. It’s about reclaiming your power, being more fully who you are. It’s about courage and stupidity—the courage to take on a “sea of troubles” and the stupidity in believing that to do so is possible.

And I knew that this particular stupidity was rooted in something indefinable. Perhaps it was hope, perhaps faith, perhaps it was trusting against all odds that somehow, sometime, things would right themselves. Why I hung on to that hope is hard to define, but I did and I was right. It took a long time, but everything was eventually resolved.

I recall rereading Jung’s Answer to Job. Snatching time to reassess, to weigh, to ponder, when all I really wanted to do was find a quiet place and disappear into it. Exhaustion was too weak a word for what I felt as I pulled myself up every morning and faced the day. But, after the epiphany, everything began to turn.

My determination was to find that elusive inner me, the one who roared like Shekmeht, the ancient Egyptian lion goddess, and glowed like Isis, whose name literally translates to “throne” and represents the seat of all power. They were in there somewhere, under the dust and debris of disappointments and difficulties. I pushed away the memories of liars, users and abusers, and washed my hands of them. They dragged me down. My fearful self dragged me down.

I discovered that there were immense deposits of inner resources within me. I know, without a doubt, that they exist within you, within all of us—resources that we haven’t even begun to tap. I wondered, then, I still do, why not?

Have we been so conditioned to run with all the mud life slings at us that we don’t stop and drop that mess, wash it off, and say, “Wait a minute! I’ve got something here that will change all that. I’ve got the real me. The Me that’s above all and everything, is all and everything, knows all and everything. It’s here, inside me, it is me, and it’s time I let her/him out.”

Forgive my rant, but I felt I needed to write this for my struggling friends, for anyone out there who might read this column, who might need this boost, because I’ve been there. And I found solace in Jung, in Rilke, in Rumi, in so many writers who gave my soul respite from the storm.

I can feel you . . . . I can feel your pain and despair and I want you to know that I know, first hand, what it’s all about. But I also want you to know that you are filled with such power, such immense ability, that all the pain you’re experiencing can be thrown into the garbage where it belongs. It’s a huge job, it’s a painful job, but when it’s done, the pain factory shuts down for good.

There comes a time in all our lives when we’re sorely tested. And how we pass those tests is the measure of who we are. It’s an opportunity to express the strengths we have acquired in this eternal learning machine called life, and work ourselves free of the pain, the burdens, the sense of hopelessness.

Contrary to some beliefs, suffering is not our purpose on this earth. It’s time we looked less at the suffering we endure and more at the process of searching, finding, and engaging that wise being within ourselves. It’s the process that leads us to fulfillment. We don’t need suffering to give meaning and purpose to our lives.

I took a big step that day. I refused to let anyone—anyone—mess with my decision. And trust me, I didn’t just need a garbage bin to dispose of my inner mess, I needed one of those contractors’ dumpsters.

I urge you to do the same.