Author Archives: Sterling Eisiminger

“Though I expect Ingrid will deny it, I married a mensch. I had suspected it all along from the empathetic way she acted around animals and children, but my suspicions were confirmed when we were driving on black ice the day after we wed, late to the train that would take us to the Harz Mountains […]

“After a friend recommended that I reacquaint myself with Judy Collins’ poignant ballad ‘Who Knows Where the Time Goes?’ I found myself in what many of her fans will recognize: a musically induced spell with muscles and nerves quivering at the same frequency. Though my language is incommensurate with what I was feeling, it was […]

“‘All aboard,’ cried the conductor as the steam whistle underscored his cry. ‘Oh, dear, the train’s leaving,’ said a traveler at the lunch counter, ‘and my coffee’s too hot to drink.’ ‘Drink mine, Ma’am—hit’s already been saucered and blowed,’ said a gentleman in the days before Styrofoam. Thanking this stranger, she gulped down his coffee, […]

“Physicists tell us that, in fact, no real touch is possible. Thus, when lips meet, they say, two electric fields are interacting, electrons are grazing electrons. Perhaps so, but if a pretty server touches my hand, the size of her gratuity rises in direct proportion to the warmth of her interaction.”—Skip Eisiminger Skip the B.S. […]

“Claire has never forgotten the panic he felt when, at age eleven, stretched out on an operating table, the surgeon who was about to excise his inflamed tonsils, asked everyone in the OR to kneel with him in prayer. For days, everyone had told Claire that the procedure was simple and ended with a bowl […]

“The history of blue begins with its absence. In any aboriginal language, blue will be the sixth color term to join its primary and secondary kin. I’ve often wondered what took so long for aboriginal poets to add ‘blue’ to their word palettes. My guess is that they already had it in the form of […]

“The engine ran for one day, and it broke down. We tried to fix it, but it was helpless. After that, we just let the boat drifted to wherever it wanted to. We floated out at sea for 26 days without any food or water. A lot of people died of starvation during those 26 […]

“The engine ran for one day, and it broke down. We tried to fix it, but it was helpless. After that, we just let the boat drifted to wherever it wanted to. We floated out at sea for 26 days without any food or water. A lot of people died of starvation during those 26 […]

“Finally, irony is fun . . . as when Jack Nicholson says his mother never appreciated the irony of calling him ‘a son of a bitch.’ In one fell swoop, Nicholson winks at his mother without extending his middle finger or his tongue. (The fun becomes even more complicated when you learn that the woman […]

“I admit that I’m among the first to collect bad news to share with my wife and classes, but I do not feel that the Sermon on the Mount is on the rocks, either. I also collect the good news, as when the journalist-lawyer Steven Brill, pretending to be a wealthy but lost foreign tourist, […]