Author Archives: Cusper Lynn

Cusper Lynn, whose accumulation of alphabetic suffixes makes formal introductions nearly impossible, is the CEO of Hell Bent Press, and a prolific blogger/author, who self-identifies—primarily, these days—as a “consultant.” A mega-cigar-smoking Midwesterner-become-Floridian, Lynn has also worked in radio (as a DJ), banking, bookselling and community theater (do not, hold that against him), and has produced a punk album (you may hold that against him), four children, and a novel titled Facebook Ate My Marriage (www.facebookatemymarriage.com; www.cusperlynn.com; www.hellbentpress.com ). Lynn says he was, in the second grade, “bitten by the writing bug,” which he traces back to “the accidental discovery that a well written essay could, if properly slanted, decrease the beatings meted out in the dark ages of public school education.” He adds: “The other two useful things I would take away from those long-ago classrooms would be the ability to touch type and a clear understanding that the world was aggressively disinterested in my wellbeing.” Subsequent success as a physician and an advisor with an uncanny ability to provide information and intellectual succor of all sorts to patients and clients of all stripes have somewhat softened Lynn’s stance, as evidenced by his literate, thoughtful writing in The Occidental Ape.

A Very Cusper Christmas, or, This Author’s Going to Hell on December 25th

“For years, and long after the holiday’s more clearly identifiable fictions were exposed to me by the well-meaning and the vindictive, I sought to be the good I would find in this holiday. I could spend months planning and preparing. In the weeks leading up to it, I would sing, skip and generally annoy the […]

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In The Gallery of The Screaming Man

“If I stopped for every person who was foaming at the mouth in the state of Florida I would never get more than a quarter of a mile from my house and I would never be able to get my grocery shopping done.” Cusper Lynn The Occidental Ape By Cusper Lynn SARASOTA Florida—(Weekly Hubris)—12/10/2012—Flush with […]

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Contracts, or Our Lady of The Fast Buck

“Success has many fathers and I was about to have the pleasure of explaining the questionable parentage of this child to its proud Papa.” Cusper Lynn The Occidental Ape by Cusper Lynn SARASOTA Florida—(Weekly Hubris)—11/19/2012—“It’s all there in black and white,” Matt said of the contract he’d dropped upon my desk. The day hadn’t been […]

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Negotiations, or Cusper & Abby’s Wild Ride

“One of the basic rules of the motivational speaker narrative is that the crisis you are sharing with your audience be well and truly behind you. Or, failing that, that you are sharing with your audience a unique solution to the crisis that is working to place it there . . . . It was […]

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Lancing the Boil: The Saga of Abby, The Formerly-Wealthy Mormon, Chapter Two*

“Can an ego so damaged ever be fully revived and, if so, how long and laborious a task would it be to return it to its former glory?” Cusper Lynn The Occidental Ape By Cusper Lynn SARASOTAFlorida—(Weekly Hubris)—10/22/2012—The human ego is, despite all representations to the contrary, a fragile thing. A single horrific shock can […]

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Into The Heart Of Evil

“Given the number of religions that allow for one to ‘fall’ into evil ways, and attribute the evil in the world to a third-party malevolent force, you would think evil would be easier to achieve than this.” Cusper Lynn The Occidental Ape By Cusper Lynn SARASOTA Florida—(Weekly Hubris)—10/1/2012—All evil requires a volitional act. Absurd? Yes. […]

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Where The Lines End

“I began to conclude that I might well be one of those ancillary characters that God keeps in the wings. A character with many quirks and twists who is ushered onto stage to deliver a few lines and wanders off with little fanfare.” Cusper Lynn The Occidental Ape by Cusper Lynn SARASOTA Florida—(Weekly Hubris)—9/24/2012—The bailiff, an […]

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Of Cannibals & Kings

“I am not saying there is no crime in the Midwest, but our cannibals at least dress for dinner.” Cusper Lynn The Occidental Ape By Cusper Lynn SARASOTA Florida—(Weekly Hubris)—9/10/12—The phone rang Sunday morning. It was my mother. The question, so often repeated that no preamble was needed for it to be asked was, “Cusper, […]

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Shocking Simon: Despair Under The Spanish Moss

“Over the last few months, a fair number of my friends, men and women, had come over to inform me of the demise or imminent demise of their relationships. There had, of course, been a common thread. So I decided to see if I could pull at it. ‘But, she did not say the actual […]

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The Mayans Of Suburban Florida

“Not far from the pyramid is a ‘cenote’ or, as we term it, a sinkhole. Tourists pay to swim in it and, not so long ago, the Mayans would cast sacrifices into ‘cenotes.’ Which got me wondering why we put up billboards for lawyers, inviting us to file lawsuits when our houses fall into one […]

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