Author Archives: Ross Konikoff

Ross Konikoff, freelance New York City trumpet player, states he is delighted and honored to have his work put before the highly discriminating readers of Weekly Hubris, published and edited by his friend and mentor, Elizabeth Boleman-Herring. Konikoff was born in Buffalo, New York, a cold environment; surrounded by desperate people, out of work, out of money, and out of opportunity. And that was just in his house. Determined to pull himself up by his mute straps, Ross quickly ascended from his first job as a seven-year-old paperboy to his second job as an eight-year-old paperboy. Eventually, he taught himself how to play the trumpet and learned many songs; managed to make something of himself; and accumulated a Manhattan condo, a trophy wife, and a phalanx of deadbeat friends along the way. The trumpet requires hours of daily maintenance to stay in tip-top shape, but Ross’s desire to write things that make people laugh also requires hours of work. Splitting his time between his lips and his laptop, he humbly presents to you his first efforts at getting some laughs and, most importantly, some attention: Breaking Even Every Time; and You've Got To Be Carefully Taught.

The Skimcoats are Comin’, The Skimcoats are Comin’!

“We were so giddy, anticipating our beautiful, modern galley, that we signed off on every option dangled before us. At contract time, however, following a squint at the proverbial bottom line, our dopamine levels plummeted precipitously, a condition whose turnaround demanded immediate reconsideration of each extravagance carelessly consented to whilst in our former state of […]

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A Feast for Chameleons

“After trying each of the seven keys in the rusty lock, one finally did the trick. We pushed the door open and walked into absolute darkness. Deborah flipped on the light and the walls suddenly came to life, as swarms of Jurassic-styled creatures, ranging in size from ‘Yechh,’ to ‘Holy shit!’ ran across the walls […]

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The Gripes of Wrath

“Whenever John and Martha pass in the hallway or in the elevator, they inquire whether or not the noise from the dogs bothers us. We shrug and say, ‘Oh well . . . dogs will be dogs.’ After 25 years, we tolerate each other the best we can. We always told ourselves it could be […]

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Naked, We Walked the Earth for Six Days, but Lo, On the Seventh, We Dressed

“Our first opportunity to strip off outdoors presented itself during a holiday on St. Martin, where we discovered, along its vast coastline, Orient Bay, a world-renowned nude beach and resort where nudity is required from dawn to dusk. Always up for a challenge, we decided to take the plunge, starting off in the clothing-optional coffee […]

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