Author Archives: Ross Konikoff

“My shower ritual continued to evolve over the years,  one thing added on another until it  required a contoured, long-handled back scrubber, no-skid germ-resistant shower mats, scalp and hair rejuvenating gels, foot scrubbers, three gradations of loofah sponges, shampoo and rinse trays, soap dispensers, a custom shower head, and a vast array of emollients of […]

“There is no ‘too fat,’ ‘too wrinkled,’ ‘too old,’ or ‘too’ anything in Life Drawing. I gathered from her explanation that, to the student, bodies are nothing more than still lifes, like flowers, or a bowl of fruit, only with genitals.”—Ross Konikoff West Side Stories  By Ross Konikoff MANHATTAN New York—(Weekly Hubris)—January 2019—I have, as […]

“What a great-looking group! So many beautiful women . . . a few maybe not so beautiful, but generally a good-looking crowd. Good evening. Thank you for asking . . . me to attend this, the first . . . annual #MeToo convention. Now, more than ever before, women are speaking up about what they […]

“I’m a little embarrassed to tell you this, Sir, but some nights I have dreams, Mr. President, dreams of you as the baby Jesus, lying in the manger at Radio City Music Hall, surrounded by camels, goats, sheep, and actors with fake beards. I stand near you, watching how adorable you look in your pure […]

“‘Mr. President . . . .  Mr. President . . . it’s me, Jared,’ he says knocking tentatively on the White House master bedroom door. Getting no response, he carefully opens it to see Trump slumped in his chair, Fox News on the television, the sound turned off. Trump turns and stands up. ‘Jared, come […]

“I, being a devout sensualist, looking for thrills wherever I may unearth one, have become adept at switching perspectives, a mental skill I practice in order to tolerate the occasionally intolerable. It occurred to me that this might be an opportunity to put my skills to the test, converting a simple stroll to the bank […]

“I burned most of the day kicking around, eyeing my watch. I passed a few lookers on the way home who, under normal circumstances, might have earned a second or third leer, but I was too tormented to make the effort. When I finally got back, I got comfortable and trickled a dozen ounces of […]

“We lugged our wine glasses over to the couch. She pushed in the tape and up came a 40s detective story. Halfway through, our lips got too close, and we lost all interest in finding the real killer.”—Ross Konikoff West Side Stories  By Ross Konikoff (Editor’s Note: Read Parts I [https://weeklyhubris.com/love-on-east-13th-street/] and II [https://weeklyhubris.com/love-on-east-13th-street-ii-the-pursuit/] of […]

“I was at my best that night, hitting on all eight. I can’t say when the fireworks ended but, when I opened my eyes, the sun was blazing through the window, and she was still there, all tangled up in the bedding. One of everything she had two of was uncovered. The room was perfectly […]

“I needed money, a vacation, and a drink, but not in that order. What I had was a low-rent plaster cave on the dodgy end of West 52nd Street, a tired dinner jacket, a warm coat, and a hot trumpet. I pulled on the last three and left for work. As I closed in on […]