Author Archives: Ross Konikoff

“I was at my best that night, hitting on all eight. I can’t say when the fireworks ended but, when I opened my eyes, the sun was blazing through the window, and she was still there, all tangled up in the bedding. One of everything she had two of was uncovered. The room was perfectly […]

“I needed money, a vacation, and a drink, but not in that order. What I had was a low-rent plaster cave on the dodgy end of West 52nd Street, a tired dinner jacket, a warm coat, and a hot trumpet. I pulled on the last three and left for work. As I closed in on […]

“As a trumpet player, I can recall a few stand-out moments of inspiration in my formative years. One was listening to Miles Davis perform the most profound solo on the song “My Funny Valentine,” another was watching Maynard Ferguson as he displayed his unmatched strength and range on the horn. Yet another was hearing a […]

“The vision of spending my days and nights rehearsing with beautiful, graceful dancers, rather than unwashed, oafish musicians in yellow-collared tux shirts, seemed infinitely more appealing. I mean, after all, I had just locked up an excellent dance partner for life and, were I to begin at once, genuinely putting my shoulder to the wheel, […]

“Our first opportunity to strip off outdoors presented itself during a holiday on St. Martin, where we discovered, along its vast coastline, Orient Bay, a world-renowned nude beach and resort where nudity is required from dawn to dusk. Always up for a challenge, we decided to take the plunge, starting off in the clothing-optional coffee […]

“My years (and years) of practical, hands-on engineering experience (changing light bulbs, cleaning out the crumb tray in the toaster, and rewiring the power cord on my Hoover Acc-u-Vac) had enabled me immediately to grasp the potential of this gadget for my particular purposes.”—Ross Konikoff West Side Stories By Ross Konikoff MANHATTAN New York—(Weekly Hubris)—August […]

“Whenever John and Martha pass in the hallway or in the elevator, they inquire whether or not the noise from the dogs bothers us. We shrug and say, ‘Oh well . . . dogs will be dogs.’ After 25 years, we tolerate each other the best we can. We always told ourselves it could be […]

“We were so giddy, anticipating our beautiful, modern galley, that we signed off on every option dangled before us. At contract time, however, following a squint at the proverbial bottom line, our dopamine levels plummeted precipitously, a condition whose turnaround demanded immediate reconsideration of each extravagance carelessly consented to whilst in our former state of […]

“After trying each of the seven keys in the rusty lock, one finally did the trick. We pushed the door open and walked into absolute darkness. Deborah flipped on the light and the walls suddenly came to life, as swarms of Jurassic-styled creatures, ranging in size from ‘Yechh,’ to ‘Holy shit!’ ran across the walls […]

“Whenever John and Martha pass in the hallway or in the elevator, they inquire whether or not the noise from the dogs bothers us. We shrug and say, ‘Oh well . . . dogs will be dogs.’ After 25 years, we tolerate each other the best we can. We always told ourselves it could be […]